you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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