I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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