ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
