So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
