i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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