Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
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Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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