Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do