My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.