It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's shark week go big or go home
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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