i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
where are you?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food