Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt