Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.