Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"