I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize