we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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