I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
