I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Randomize