how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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