If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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