We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
