P.S. I can't hear my feet
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
