Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you will always have a special place in my vag
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
