I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
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it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
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Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.