im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings