I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...