why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot