I wish I could teleport
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god