"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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