I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
