mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You ruined the universe
Randomize