he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize