He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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