Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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