how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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