I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
