I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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