i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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