This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
