how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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