I think I am morally bankrupt
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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