Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
