Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
