My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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