I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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