just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize