I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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