So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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