I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
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Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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