i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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