watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
