Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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