Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
