You can't motorboat a personality
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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