Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
