Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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