My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize