How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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