I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
