i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
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you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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