i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm really busy with my period
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